Tineka Smith always knew that growing up Black in America meant certain restrictions. Don’t talk back to white people; expect to be stopped by the police; always be on your guard. So, when she moved to the UK – and fell in love with Alex Court, a white man – she wondered if things might be different.
When Alex proposed to Tineka, it was the easiest decision in the world. What he didn’t anticipate was the reaction – sometimes subtle, sometimes overt – from friends and strangers alike. Nor did he expect to have to think about Tineka’s race, and his own white privilege, every single day.
Tineka has always felt the burden of calling out and educating people, only now she has to teach her new husband at the same time - asking him to see, hear and think with a new perspective about the things he had never noticed before.
But what does this mean for Tineka and Alex’s relationship? With anecdotes, analysis and honest conversations, Mixed Up has the pair attempting to navigate their new and challenging world, confronting race and relationships in the 21st century head on.
I grew up woefully undereducated about race - in a small Northern English town, there was little diversity, so understanding the pressures, pains and daily aggressions that black people face, was not something that really crossed my mind until my early 20's, when I moved to London.
That interest in understanding the mindsets of people from different backgrounds has been with me since then, but over the last year i've been working on educating myself on this as much as possible - sparked by movements such as Black Lives Matter that have opened up my eyes to the injustices and unequalities that Black people face every day.
And as for the inequalities that women face every day? I'm a proud feminist and I consider myself very well educated on these issues from an equality stand point - but as a homosexual cisgendered white man, I'm aware that my privilege speaks volumes - I'm never going to fully understand these perspectives as they're not lived experiences for me, but I'm always highly interested to read more on this.
With that in mind, I was delighted to be asked to review 'Mixed Up - Confessions of an Interracial Couple' - a fantastic audio book from Audible, by Tineka Smith and Alex Court.
There's an openness and an intimacy to the writing and the reading - perhaps enhanced by the fact that these insights to a couple's struggles was being read directly into my ears.
'Mixed Up' discusses the true life relationship of Tineka and Alex, and there are multiple layers to unpick and discuss here - from Tineka's experiences as a black woman in America contrasting with Alex's experiences as a white man in Britain, the judgements and microagressions that Tineka faces as both a black person and as a woman, and the journey of understanding that both, with a highlight on Alex, experience over the course of their relationships.
It's a listen that's eye opening, emotional, and necessary - there's been a huge amount written about the experiences that different races and genders experience, but it's rare to see those experiences highlighted in such an emotive and personal fashion - Tineka Smith and Alex Court deliver these with style, skill, and serious amounts of substance.
I received a copy of this audio book in exchange for an honest review - many thanks to Audible